Guess what?!?

So hey here we are years later and funny thing is I literally just randomly
 came across my old blogs, I don’t even know if anyone is even still
Doing these?, but after hours of going back and rereading all my old stuff
And spending time reading through all the positive comments I thought maybe
One last post on here a quick little update just Incase anyone is actually interested.
But where do I start? Last I posted I was about 18-19 years old and good god
I was going through so many emotional things one in particular which involved
My love and cutting myself to deal with the pain. I am now 30 years old and
Honestly doing great! I haven’t cut myself in years it’s sometimes still a struggle
But it was a part of how I dealt with my emotions so I think a part of me will
Always struggle a little with that. I’m happily married! and guess who that someone is....
It’s him! We’ve definitely had our fair share of well pretty much anything a couple
Can go through and lucky for me we went through all of it before we gave ourselves to
Each other in marriage. We’re happy and literally hide nothing from each other. I may have
Gone through hell and back but we made it, look how far we’ve come!

Thank you to anyone who reached out to me then in my darkest days!
It’s been quite the ride, and here’s to many more memories!

With Love,
No Longer BrokenGurl ❤️

Goodbye

This is the end.....Goodbye!

No Change

Things haven't changed.....Things will never change.
He still talks to and texts her on his phone.
I know they are still together, although I'm not sure how
because once again he's living here and yes sleeps in
my bed and yes we do have sex. So if he is still with
her, he's cheating on her. I'm so sorry to everyone
and myself....I broke my promise......I fell again, and
sadly I know it's me who will only get hurt yet again.
It's like I'm trying so hard to reach out for his hand
but I grab a hold of nothing every time because he
let me fall along time ago and for some stupid reason
I can't stop loving him.....I can't let go.

My Weakness

My head gets lite and dizzy,

my hands get all sweaty,

and my knees start to shake.

I can't believe how weak

he makes me feel......
He's like my Kryptonite.

A few more Secrets

I spent over an hour on the phone

with the Suicide Hot Line last night,

the girl I taked to helped me way more

than she'll ever know, and I don't

even know her name.

_________________________________________

I miss the Little things

the most.

___________________________________________

I sometimes wish that I was

having his baby, so maybe

he would stay, and I would

have someone who would

actually loved me.

Messed up

Things have been a little crazy and somewhat messed up, in a good way? I'm not sure. He told me things and made me new promises, my heart yells I believe you, my head screams Bull shit! I can't believe him again, I've heard it all before, nothings changed. And Although I love him more than anything, I wont fall again, I promise you and myself that I will never let him drag me down again.

Crazy Things

So you know what I said. " Goodbye to him forever. " Well about a Monday ago he showed up, no phone call, no nothing he just showed up. It took me forever to gain the courage to even leave my room to see him, but when I did... Nothing. I felt nothing, at least I thought I felt nothing. Could this mean I'm over it, over him?!? So we talked awhile and then in a serous voice I asked Why did you come back? He told me that he's been thinking about me and the way we said goodbye and that he wanted to apologize for hurting me, he also said that he's not with her anymore. I didn't care. It soon got late and I told him that its alright if he stayed. We got to talking in my room and soon he fell asleep on my bed I thought about it for a moment and then decided that it wouldn't be weird and just let him sleep with me. The next day he went home but came back the next day. And stayed a few days. See he was my brothers friend so I couldn't just say no, and besides I missed his friendship ( That's it, just the Friendship ) So Friday came around and my brother had to work and the rest of my family went shopping.... We were alone. but hey we were friends it wasn't weird. He asked what I wanted to do, I suggested a nice game of Poker, which kinda turned into a dirty game of Strip Poker. We were both down to nothing but our skin and we had to start betting other things like a kiss or something, we were on our last hand and he lost but I didn't know what I wanted, then I said " what about Sex on the water bed " (AKA my parents bed) he said if that's what you want. It wasn't passionate or loving, It was just hard core sex which may I add only lasted about five minutes, I said things I would never had said before, It was tense and it was AMAZING. When it was over I got up, looked at him and said Good Game. I didn't feel the old time butter flys or that warm feeling inside knowing I was with him. I felt nothing, It meant Nothing... To me anyway. Later I noticed him texing someone on his phone, and I kinda had the suspicion that he was still with her, and again I didn't care, If he is still with her he cheated on her with me which in a weird way makes me smile. He went home last night, said he would be back today, but even if he doesn't like I kinda think he wont, It wont matter because I'm finally okay. Oh the Crazy Things.