No way out

I haven't slashed my arm open in about a month now, but that don't mean I haven't thought about it. Something, or someone, or maybe even myself has stopped me from doing it. But nothing will stop me tonight. I need a good lashing and my blood will spill. I know it kinda sounds like I do it because I like it but I don't, I'm just so sick of so many things and I don't know how else to deal with it all. I have nobody anymore and sometimes family's not enough. My best friend in the whole world left for college but we've grown apart months before that. I miss her so much, but she only has time for her boyfriend, and her other friends, I feel I don't even matter to her anymore. I've tried to talk to her about it but all she can say is "I've been busy." I understand that she has Homework and school, but what about all the time she has for her boyfriend or all her other better friends? Whatever it don't matter because I don't matter. The love of my life left me and doesn't even care anymore, I don't think he ever really did. He put me into this hole and every time I'm about to escape it, he or his stupid girl drags me back down. I should hate him. I should hate him so much that it hurts, but my heart says I love him so much that I can't breath. I know he'll never come back, he has her now and they have both put me through so much shit. I can't do it again. I won't. So you see I have no one anymore, not even someone to talk to. Solitude is all I feel even in a crowd or a group of my family, every ones so happy, But like I said sometimes family's not enough. There's no way out, no where to turn, no one to turn to, so I grab the blade and grip it tight.........Blood........Release!

Never again

So A few weeks ago, I get another message from him on my AIM. It said " Who is this?" I knew right then that it wasn't him because he knows my screen name. So I just played along and said "Who is this?" the reply said his name, So I just told them who I was and just like that they jumped down my throat and started saying " I knew it, This isn't him, its his girl, and you better stay away from him and stop talking to him" I got so mad and upset so I replied "He contacted me first!" All of a sudden she got real nice and said " oh I'm sorry, can you tell me what you talked about" as if I was going to just tell her everything. I just said nope and signed off. A few day's later he messaged me and said " You need to stop lying and telling people we are hooking up" I was so confused so I replied " What?" He told me that his girl and mom keeps telling him that I told them that we've been hooking up I told him I haven't even seen him or his family since he left. He didn't believe me and just kept yelling at me to stop my lying . I had enough at this point and said "I'm not going through this shit again, I don't care If you have nobody any more, you will NEVER come back here!" End of story I haven't heard from him since.